I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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