somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
