Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
