census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
