and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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