you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
