i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown