hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
