so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My ass is underappreciated
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
