Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases