Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
