Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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