I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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