i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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