woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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