1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
