Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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