Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
