their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your penis caused this!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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