glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
