arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize