i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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