My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
