i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
