Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
