Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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