She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Randomize
