Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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