thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
