The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I pour the whiskey from now on
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
