I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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