My room smells like vodka and shame
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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