hotel room ftw
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
