I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
only you would photoshop your dick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
