Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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