my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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