Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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