the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
