I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
