Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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