hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
