Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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