I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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