dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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