My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
