Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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