Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
