So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
