Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
