Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
