well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
