He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
