but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
