it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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