so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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