Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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