I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
