how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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