alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
