Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
