so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
