super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
