um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
