Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
