I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
