I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
