If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
