i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
