The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
