Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
