I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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