Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
