So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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