I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
