mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize