Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
