those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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