last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So vagazzling was a success
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
