ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my being single is dangerous.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
