have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
