I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
