i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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