I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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