bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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