this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
