I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have aggressive nipples.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize